It is not an easy thing for most parents to have teenagers at home. There are unending horror tales of teenage general disinterest and defiance. But oftentimes, these teenage situations are wildly exaggerated. To connect with your teenager, you should be equipped with solid ways to create rock solid relationship with your teenager.
I have had relationships with several teenagers, and have learned quite a lot in reading and researching about how they behave. And also experiences of trusted experts who are having a lot together with teenagers of diverse cultures on a regular basis. These 10 powerful tips are embodied in the strategies they shared to help you create rock-solid relationship with your teenager.
7 Proven Ways To Raise Generous Children
1. Emphasize Why It Is Important To Pay Attention To Little Things
As a parent, you should help your teenager to learn to observe the behavior of everyone. A daughter who is regularly demeaning to her own dad will act the same way to another person’s son. A boy who disrespects his mom is likely to also disrespect someone else’s daughter. Let them know you observe how they behave (and their friends too) to help you determine how much time you can give them without being supervised. Like when you are able to trust them with little things such as schoolwork and house chores, it would also equate to like borrowing the car or other things they love to have.
Try as a parent to keep to your words, as trust is often difficult to build, but can be destroyed easily. Let them also understand that from the beginning. See also:
The Secrets Of The Teenage Brain And How To Live With It
2. Take Interest In Their Interests
If you have a teenager or a younger child right now, you already know that this is a bit obvious in parenting. Many teenagers begin by becoming interested in what their parents have interests in. But as they grow older, they start having their own passions, which may be a deviation from the parent’s passions.
A teenager may fall in love with everything theater, fine arts, musicals, and even Opera. But it may just not be what the parents gravitate towards or are knowledgeable about.
It would be intriguing for the child if the parent can learn more about the teenager’s interest and engage her in discussions over the things she is involved in and passionate about. See also:
Six Trusted Ways To Help Your Teenager Make and Keep Great Friends
3. Involve Other Adults
Oftentimes it is difficult to imagine encouraging your teenager to confide in someone else. All parents want their kids to share their worries and challenges with them. But it would be a saving for you when you surround your teenager with other mature minds you can trust so that when there is a crisis or difficulties, there will be someone else aside from the parent that the child can confide in.
Many times, speaking with someone who is not a parent can be pretty relieving for a child. This move may also eliminate the tendency of overreaction that parents sometimes experience with their children.
You may want to let your child know that there are (maybe three) other people you believe in to be capable of giving them sound guidance. They could always see them with personal issues if they do not find it convenient coming to you. These other people could be a relative, a trusted friend(s), a teacher in the child’s school, a Sunday school teacher in the church, a Pastor, or a counselor. I am pretty sure you will prefer this, to your child going for advice from her fellow teenage peers. See also:
10 Golden Ways To Teach Young Kids About Money So It Sticks With Them
4. Choose Your Battles
This tip is applicable to all parents and not limited to parents with adolescents alone. You should consider overlooking a few things that do not necessarily impact your child in the long term. Examples can be the often outlandish statements they make, the color of their hair, and maybe some of the questionable choices of fashion they make.
If you continue to try to enforce or dictate what they can do or can’t do every time, you will weaken your own overall authority over them and even their respect for you. They may become liars while also trying to avoid approaching you for things or turn outrightly defiant.
The rather effective strategy will be to overlook things that are not as important so that when you say ‘No’, it impacts them effectively.
5. Allow them to FAIL!
Most modern parents will find this a tough one. Missed deadlines, misplaced items, poor academic performances are things every teenager — in fact all children — need to experience in their time. When parents are regularly stepping in for their children from experiencing the natural consequences of life, they are actually wreaking havoc on the child’s development.
When a child is able to learn to handle disappointments, failures, and coping skills, the child will be able to become more responsible, resilient, and adaptable to different situations they find themselves later on in life. But by eliminating obstacles for them or covering up irresponsible behavior, parents ignorantly tell their children that they aren’t capable of handling situations and needs adults in every situation. You are also very likely to still be involved in making decisions for them when raising their own family. That is not a good experience.
Think about your own experiences growing up. The lessons you learned and stuck with you are the ones you learned through personal experiences. So, why won’t you allow your teens to feel that string of failure to help them improve their life choices?
6. Set Boundaries And Be Specific When Setting Them
For instance, if your teenager is having a movie with her friends, make it very clear on what kind of movies you expect them to watch, and tell them what time they would be picked up or should be back. You can let them out of the car saying “See you at 7pm”.
When you set boundaries, your teens have no reason to misinterpret schedules. Like nothing like this should surface: “There weren’t any good seats left at that showing so we just walked around and then we weren’t hungry so we went to Starbucks and hung out instead of the movie and dinner we said we’d do”.
As a parent, you are entitled to knowing where your children are and what they are doing. When they honour their words in little things, bigger opportunities should be given to them.
7. Show Grace When They Least Expect
Bear in mind that negative consequences are a natural part of life and when you enforce them, it helps the kids learn appropriate behaviors. But when you show grace, you give your teenager a pardon even when it seems not warranted. If your child has been responsible for washing dishes every morning, and she forgets (or claims to forget) that day, instead of unleashing the regular consequence of ‘no TV’ that morning, just surprise her by offering grace. But no grace if she claims to forget frequently. In fact, that is already an act of irresponsibility.
8. BE THERE For Them Everywhere Possible!
Your teenager may pretend like they do not care if you show up at their award ceremonies, games, or performances, but it is very necessary you are there. You shouldn’t think they have fewer concerns or needs just because you see them grow taller in height. Your presence matters a lot regardless of whatever you hear them say. This helps create a good relationship with your teenager.
Show interest, stay involved, and participate in the lives of your children.
9. Ensure To Keep Your Promises
It can be a bad experience for a child when you are taking them on a trip and then cancels at the last minute just because you think something else is now more important. As far as the kids are concerned, they should be of more importance.
Of course, sometimes there may be a few circumstances beyond your control, but ensure that whenever you make a promise to them, keep it.
10. Do Not Give Up On Them
You may have experienced rough patches, wished they could just get back to school quickly so that they just get the heck out of your house. And maybe times you considered throwing in the towel giving up on them. But..
Take a Breath.
If you look back, you will remember vividly how the kids looked like a newborn, and how they will not quit crying out all night and no sleep. You got really overwhelmed, exhausted, and almost gave up, but yet you hung there. Find a way to gather the courage to keep going on. Try new things.
Follow the suggestions in this article. Hope…believe, and continue applying the right measures. You love your child more than anyone else, and your teenager needs to know that you’ll always be there for her.
